Exotic beverage review: HYPE!

HYPE(!) The Hype can has possibly the lengthiest product blurb I've yet seen on an energy drink. I quote below:


HYPE! should be kept safely out of reach of those whose conversation you do not enjoy! Drinking HYPE! before a BBQ may lead to excessive smack talking. Any action you get while drinking HYPE! will be purely coincidental. HYPE! is made with the finest ingredients like real elderberry juice, taurine, guarana, ginseng and caffeine. Look for HYPE! wherever things are happening. Open, sip, stay HYPE!"

Apparently HYPE! can be spelled either with or without the exclamation point. The can also suggests serving Hype ICE cold. Not ice cold, ICE cold.

It's kind of a reddish, rustish, orangish tomatoish colour. It's also really clear, which is quite refreshing, it's not milky or smokey like a lot of energy drinks.

HYPE! smells like an awkward blend of extreme refreshingness (which is probably from the elderberry juice) and vitamin-B, which makes me very curious about the flavour.

Damn, I was hoping it would be unpleasant. I've had an unusually lucky run of drinks that don't taste like ass, lately. Hype tastes like a pleasant combination of elderberry and fruitiness with a vague hint of vitamin-B lurking mischieviously in the bushes. It's not bad, really. It's also clearly got that weird bile-like taste that all pasteurised energy drinks feature, manifesting itself as a kind of petrochemical aroma. I'm grasping at straws to find something to dislike about Hype. Generally speaking, it's quite pleasant. It actually tastes slightly healthy.

Yeah, this one's best avoided warm. It's just vitamin-B and paint thinner, really. It also produces the same weird smell of superglue that V and Red Bull create when warm. There's something very unsettling about that smell.

Mm. The aftertaste is not so great. After the fruit flavour has dissipated, the vitamin-B rears its ugly head and belches unpleasantness on the whole parade. Also, the pasteurised weirdness is quite strong, producing a flavour I can only liken to one thing - the smell of fresh house paint. Mmm, painty goodness.

I suspect this is a drink that would be absolutely awesomely flavoured if it had no vitamin-B in it at all. I mean, aren't all the other weird and spectacular ingredients good enough without the one that makes everything taste like rancid, liquefacted celery? Celery and paint fumes abound in this one, but all together, it's not a bad energy drink. I give it four exclamation points. But I'm not going to type them, because that would be tacky.