Exotic beverage: Go Fast

This photo does not do this beverage justice. "Not recommended for children; and pregnant or lactating women or caffeine sensitive persons." Warning that's noticably absent is the one stating "Do not drink if your tastes buds work, because you may wish they did not".

"Maximum recommended intake: 1 can per day." Good luck with that. A teaspoon of this stuff should do the trick. You'll have all the energy in the world, and you'll be putting it to good use getting yourself the hell away from the can.

It's slightly darker than beer, and not very fizzy. It's also kind of thick, I think. It seems thick, anyway.

It smells like that horrid mix of really cheap, slightly melted candy you always wind up with just after Christmas. A combination of all the sweets no one ever chooses first, the ones that wind up rotting away at the bottom of the Christmas stocking, eventually finding their own way out of their wrappings and mating with other sweeties to produce horrific, Godzilla-like sweetie creatures. This drink smells like a Godzilla-sweetie.


It's horrible.

I mean, just.. It's indescribable.

However, I'm going to give it a shot.

The only flavour other than "GENGKnrwjlgbuigYFYTneCRYHJ!#798" that I can discern is that medicinal flavour that kind of tastes like plastic smells when it's been left in the sun until it's gone brittle and powdery. The rest of the drink (and I use the word "drink" with some hesitance) tastes entirely of rotting lawn clippings.

Look! Chemical warfare!

I propose a recipe:

2kg rotting lawn clippings 1L home brand cough medicine 500mL motor oil Sprinkling of powdered, aged plastic Carbonated water to taste


This stuff is rancid.

The only good thing I can find about this shit is that the flavour leaves you pretty quickly. Possibly because it's speedily replaced by the flavour of your stomach contents.