Fine FAWM: Præteriit

I wanted to participate in FAWM this year, and I gave it a shot, but ultimately I just ended up with a heap of unfinished junk. So, as you do, I've polished the junk up, and now it's called Præteriit, and it's on Soundcloud polluting the ears of random internet passersby. You can listen to all four tracks below, if you feel so inclined.

What you get for your money, ultimately, is something pretty similar to everything I've done before, with loads of pads, too much piano, considerable overuse of the Dsus2 chord, and fairly repetitive chord structures.

There's nothing wrong with being your own worst critic. You should try it some time!

Responding to the Googling masses

I figured I'd do the internet a service, and answer some of the ridiculous things people have been searching for when they've landed on colonpipe.com. Maybe I'll enlighten someone to some damn thing: Q - v graphite flavour, what flavour is v graphite, what is v graphite maca?, graphite v flavour, v graphite tastes like, v energy graphite taste, what flavour is the new graphite v drink?, what does v graphite taste like?, what does v graohite taste like, v red graphite flavour, v graphite drink taste, what does v graphite taste like A - It tastes like spectacularly artificial chocolate. It's also got ingredients in it that could give you goitres. (Or make them worse if you have them already.) Red V is no longer made, but it was berry flavoured and I believe it contained actual fruit (or berry) juice.

Q - star trek into darkness nazi uniforms, star trek into darkness uniform+nazi A - Yes, they looked a lot like Nazi uniforms. But hey, they were cool. (The Star Trek ones. Not the Nazi ones.) ... (No, actually, the Nazi ones were pretty cool too. I mean, come on. For an army of pure evil, they were pretty snappy dressers.)

Q - why are australians good actors, differences in acting in usa and australia, cant act A - They're not, and the difference is that the former can, and the latter cannot.

Q - what does green storm mother taste like?, how is green mother storm different, green storm mother taste like, mother green storm what caffeine A - It tastes a lot like regular Mother. It's different in that it contains natural caffeine (as opposed to test-tube caffeine), and it comes in a green can. What caffeine? WHAT CAFFEINE?!

Q - sharktopus movie.girl.in bikini with metal dectetor.who is she, girl on beach with metal detector in sharktopus A - Pretty.sure.she.isn't.a.girl.  That person is to 'girl' as Sharktopus is to 'film'.

Q - am i a synesthete? A - Dunno. Can you taste music? See sounds? Fart chipotle?

Q - why shouldn't i answer calls from blocked number A - Either you've got a psycho ex, or you're dodging debt collectors. Answer the phone.

Q - pimp full form of irc in computer A - DON'T MAKE ME ASSUME MY FULL FORM. It's pimp. And it's in IRC. /me assumes form

Q -water in colon porn extreme A - Yeah. I hope you found what you were looking for. Somewhere else.

Q -instagram vintage effect ruined, rare hipstamatic combos A - I agree. Also, c-c-combo breaker.

Q -mentally retarded dopey A - Snow White was an equal-opportunity employer.

Q - strangest places trampoline been found A - ...Cletus?

Q - electric colon porn A - I'm picturing extension cords in places I don't want to picture extension cords. Thank you for that.

Q - science hero action figures volume 3 A - Not yet. Patience, grasshopper.

It adds up: Girl takes calculator to prom

I don't usually share and link stuff, but hey. Here's a little article about a girl and her calculator. Her calculator isn't haunted, but I won't hold that against her. She took her Texas Instruments model 84 calculator to prom. As her date. Yeah. Turns out she even made it a little tuxedo, and everything. Repeat after me: "Aww."

Sourced from Geekologie, Unrealitymag and a bunch of other sites. Here's the original tumblrism, from ishipitlikeups (and her calculator).

Back in the '90s: Kaleidoscope Schemes

This article is hideously backdated to reflect the time that it's content, the gallery below, was created. Sorry for the confusion. If you're curious, I'm writing this on June 9, 2013. This is about the oldest part of me that lives on the internet. Back in the late '90s, there was an interface enhancement for Macintosh computers called Kaleidoscope. It was essentially a version of the "themes" concept that Apple kind of introduced into their operating systems, but really didn't. You could download any number of new interface themes (or "schemes", as the creators called them) for your operating system. Some of them were pretty cool. I made a few of them. In hindsight, they don't seem to have strayed too far from the general appearance of the Mac OS (version 9, at the time). They looked like this:

All of these are still, inexplicably, available at the Kaleidoscope Scheme Archive. You can access my stuff directly here, though. If you're really excited by the potential of this awesome piece of 1990's tech, be sure to check out the "scheme spotlight" area, wherein the best of the best are framed and hung on the metaphorical wall.