Comic back cover ads #4 and #5

Spin Doctors. Spin Doctors. They’re a band from the ’80s. You’ve probably never heard of them. They had approximately one hit, in the form of “Two Princes”, which was essentially “Mmm-bop” by Hanson with less sucking and more synthpop. Bonus points for the use of the Bellbottom font, and the phrase “terminally funky”.

Def Leppard.

Def Leppard. Possibly the least enthusiastic band ever. Look at them. A funeral is going to break out any second, now.

Comic back cover ad #3

Pitfall II. It took some time for me to realise that this was not the image of a gigantic rectal passage. It then took some time for me to realise that despite that, I was still staring up someone’s arse.I never played Pitfall II. I don’t know what to say about it. The computer looks supremely chunky. It practically sports love handles. And the game looks very orange. That is all.

Comic back cover ad #2

Are you man enough for Megaforce? Megaforce.

Chuck Norris is. Look at him. There he stands, wearing only a belt and a calculator, not a gonad in sight. Erupting from behind him, a motorcycle with dinnerplate wheels, a decepticon DeLorean blasting whipped cheese from its windshield, a squadron of dune buggies and the entire US Air Force from the Vietnam war. Save up your dollar, you too could be the proud owner of a Megaforce patch, membership card and bike decal. You can proudly display your lack of genitalia, resting assured no one will question your nudity or calculator-laden chest because you’re a card-carrying, patch-weilding member of Megaforce. If anyone questions you, just point at your glistening bike decal and laugh in their faces. Don’t have a bike? Stick it on your DeLorean.